Couples Therapy
Couples therapy helps you address repeated arguments, difficulties with trust or intimacy, and uncertainty about your relationship. I work with you both to understand the patterns between you, explore how past experiences affect your relationship and find ways to communicate and respond differently. I see couples at my Brighton practice and online.
When your relationship needs attention
You might keep arguing about the same things, feel less close than you once did or find yourselves avoiding difficult conversations. Perhaps something has happened that has affected your trust, and you are unsure how to talk about it.
You can also come to therapy when things are going well. Becoming parents, changes at work or children leaving home can bring different expectations into a relationship. Having time to discuss these together can help you understand what each of you needs.
You don’t have to agree on everything before coming, including what you hope therapy will achieve.
How I work with couples
I take an active part in sessions. I listen to you both, ask questions and draw attention to what happens in the conversation. That might mean noticing when one of you becomes defensive, when something goes unheard or when you stop saying what you mean.
My approach is attachment informed. We look at how your experiences of relationships, including those in childhood, influence what you expect of each other now. These experiences can affect how you handle disagreement, ask for reassurance or respond when you feel hurt.
I am also completing training in Relational Life Therapy, known as RLT, with completion expected in 2028. I increasingly draw on this model in my work with couples
Why you're probably not getting anywhere on your own
An argument about housework, money or time together can carry more than the immediate disagreement. One of you may feel unsupported. The other may hear criticism and start defending themselves before they have understood the concern.
We look at these exchanges in detail so you can recognise your own reactions and their effect on your partner. Earlier experiences may help explain those reactions, but we also need to consider what you can take responsibility for now.
The work includes practising how to say what you need, listen to a difficult response and address a disagreement without repeating the same exchange.
What happens in the sessions
Your first appointment gives us time to discuss what has brought you here, hear both perspectives and consider what you want help with. You can also ask questions about my approach and decide if you feel comfortable working with me.
There is no obligation to continue after that appointment. If you choose to proceed, sessions are usually weekly at first. I generally suggest a commitment of eight sessions, with a review at that point.
We use examples of what has happened between appointments to understand where you are making progress and where you are still struggling. We may agree on things to practise or notice at home, then discuss how these went when we next meet.
Deciding what you want together
You may want to rebuild trust, feel closer or be able to disagree without every conversation becoming an argument. We will discuss what those changes would look like in your everyday life, so we have something specific to work towards.
Sometimes couples are unsure if they want to continue the relationship. You can use the sessions to explore that uncertainty, including when you each want something different.
I won’t make that decision for you. I will help you discuss it carefully and understand each other’s position. If you decide to separate, we can work on how you communicate during that process, particularly where children are involved.
My experience and approach
I’m a UKCP registered Integrative Psychotherapist and a member of the BACP. Couples work is a main focus of my practice, alongside my work with teenagers and families.
I will speak directly when I notice something that needs attention. At times, that means asking you to consider behaviour you find difficult to acknowledge. I take care over how I raise these things and give you time to respond.
You will both be heard, and you will both be asked to reflect. What we discuss needs to help you understand your relationship and make changes beyond the sessions.
Questions people ask before getting in touch
Do both of us need to come to every session?
Usually, yes, the joint sessions are the core of the work. Occasionally an individual session makes sense, and I’ll always talk that through with you both first.
What if my partner isn't sure about coming?
I offer a free 20 minute chat, which you can come to yourself first if that’s easier, and we can talk through how to approach it together. Sometimes a partner can come to the table understanding the approach more after that.
How many sessions will we need?
In general, I suggest an initial consultation to see how it feels. Beyond that, I generally ask for an 8 session commitment with a review at this point. This gives us enough time to see the approach in action and to feel the benefits.
Is this covered by health insurance?
I’m registered with AXA, so check your policy if you’re covered through them. For other insurers, it’s worth checking directly, as couples therapy isn’t always included even when individual therapy is.
Do you offer online couples sessions?
Yes. Plenty of couples do the whole course of sessions by video call, and it works just as well as being in a room with me.
Let's find out if I'm the right fit for the two of you
The free 20 minute chat costs nothing, and after that you can decide whether to proceed.
